Sorry it’s been a few days since I wrote last. Needless to say my life has been a little chaotic. I’m working hard trying to set myself up in business for when junior arrives and working full time as well. In fact I’m doing two jobs at work at the moment which is starting to take it’s toll.

We’ve also been shopping for a new bathroom for the last couple of weeks. Who knew that could be so stressful? We blew our budget within minutes of going into the first shop. I mean honestly, how can a bath seriously cost £800? If we get it I’ll be too frightened to actually wash in it in case I get it dirty. But Mrs C wants a show before the weather gets hotter so it seems like there’ll be a few more weeks of bathroom shopping to come.

I’m also trying to write a best man’s speech for my friend Matt’s wedding. It’s less than 7 days away now and the piece of paper is all but blank still. I did get a few Bernard Manning jokes off the tele the other day so maybe it wont be all bad.

The best news I have is that I’m off work for a week back to my Kentish home land. So it will be even quieter round here for the next week than it has been for the last few days. But fear not, I will return with tails of weddings and pregnancy soon, I promise.

I’ve never spent a lot of time around small children (”honest, m’lud”) so I wouldn’t say that I’m expecting too much of my “nuts and bolts” parenting ability. By that I mean nappy changing, feeding, nursing those general things. I think it’s going to be a bit too much like 3 Men and a Baby for my own liking but that’s the way it is.

Anyway, since finding out that I’m going to be a father I’ve started taking more of an interest in children (”not like that, m’lud”). Having a two smallish nieces and a very small nephew (only 13 weeks) has been a real benefit.

My list of techniques to stop children crying is slowly growing. The best of the non-nappy changing type ones is humming. The nephew loves humming. Here’s his top 3 songs on Uncle IanTunes:

1. Match of the Day Theme Tune
2. Eastenders Theme Tune
3. German National Anthem

I’m starting to hum to Mrs C’s stomach as I’m fairly certain this will make this technique even more successful with junior. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

SO we’re getting a dog. Not content with having a new born baby, we’ve decided that we’d like a dog too. Not just any dog either, oh no, we’re getting a Miniature Schnauzer. We saw Colin from Spaced and decided that if we were to have a dog, this was the dog to have.

A local breeder has a litter due on the 18th April which means we should have a puppy in mid-May. Mrs C will start maternity leave not too long afterwards and she figured it will force us not to become hermits after the birth; after all you have to get out and walk a dog twice a day so no excuses.

A puppy and a new born baby, are we genuinely insane?

Hi. My name’s Ian and I’m an American Idol addict.

Yes, I’m afraid to say that even on this side of the pond, there are people addicted to American Idol. Who can blames us though, as Ryan Seacrest points out every week “Idol is watch by 100 Gazillion people World wide.”. And I’m one of them. Want to know another one? Mrs C. We love it.

We have our own version in the UK, The X-Factor (which Simon obviously isn’t allow mention so he uses the phrase “The Wow Factor” quite a lot instead) but it’s just not as good (I mean Ray Quinn got to the final ffs!). The Americans have a deeper pool of talent and the contestants in the final are nearly always brilliant. Having said that, the group of boys this year is very weak. The only entertaining one is Blake and even he can’t sing too well.

While I’m talking about this years bunch, I’m amazed by how shocking the American public’s found Antonella Barba’s photo session in the fountain. Now, being a Brit I probably have the same level of understanding of just how important that fountain is to American as say the average Mall Rat so maybe I shouldn’t be too quick to judge. Jesus though, I thought we were an uptight bunch over here but our Puritanical values are nothing compared to yours. God forbid a woman should behave in a sexual manner, she should be cooking and cleaning and waiting at home for her man to knock her up. That’s what I say.

Anyway, last year had 4 or 5 amazing singers but no-one shone like Taylor Hicks. He’s got it all: a great voice, a good personality and great dance moves. Well maybe he doesn’t quite have it all… But Mrs C and I were pretty chuffed when Taylor won the final. Not least because we couldn’t stand Katherine McPhee. She had the emotion depth of lobotomised Barbie doll and smiled her way through every song that her amazingly good voice sang.

Well, it was Mrs C’s birthday the other week and I thought it might be nice to get her a copy of Taylor’s album. It finally arrived from the States the other day. I was full of excitement waiting to see Mrs C reaction as she opened it (result: very pleased. Phew) but a few tracks in on the first play she broke in to floods of tears.

“What’s wrong? It’s not the greatest cover of “Wherever I Lay My Hat” but it’s not that bad…”

“Hormones.” was all Mrs C could manage through the tears.

One of the questions at the front of my mind at the minute is “Will I be any good at being a Dad?”. I think this is mainly down to me not really knowing what to expect. From talking to people at work I know that “the first 6 months are the worst” but that doesn’t actually prepare you for the first 6 months; but what will life really be like for Mrs C and I after the baby comes?

How will I cope with the tiredness, the screaming baby, the dirty nappies? I don’t know.

How will Mrs C’s and my relationship change? I don’t know.

Will the kid even like me? I just don’t know.

And this all worries me.

The only thing that is making me feel better about this is the time I’ve spent with my new nephew over the past 12 weeks. I can cope with a few hours of “looking after” which involves the usual gurgling, dribbling, and full on screaming. But this all comes with the safe knowledge that I can hand him back.

And I still very much fear that junior will be the naughtiest child to walk the Earth.

Expecting to be a parent is a seriously worrying time and I get the feeling that I’m not going to stop worrying until I’m holding junior for the very first time.

I know all of my loyal readers are ken to know how some of the things I’ve blogged about over the past few weeks are coming along so here’s a little update:

Kicking

Well, I’ve finally felt the baby kicking for the first time, in fact I’ve even seen the baby kick (get me!). Mrs C finds the kicking a little disconcerting and I think she’s making a mental list of all the times the baby is kicking her so she can take revenge when he finally pops out. She’s also been desperate for me to feel how weird it is that there’s something alive down there. I wasn’t in the best of moods when it happened, as it happened during the usual night time ritual; I’m just dropping off to sleep Mrs C grabs my hand and puts it on her stomach (usually nearly dislocating my elbow/shoulder in the process and waking me up for another hour or two). This time though, through the pain of having a joint pulled from its socket, I felt a little kick.

It was very exciting in a way. Its another sign to us that things are moving a long and there actually is a baby in there (even though we’ve already seen it on a screen). It also adds to the trepidation because there actually is a baby in there and our lives are going to change forever.

Alexander Technique Classes

Mrs C had a lot more success with the second Alexander Technique teacher. Her hands weren’t “so clammy” and in no way did she think she was going to be “quite literally sick in a strangers living room”. She went again yesterday and the classes are definitely making Mrs C feel better about being pregnant and that can’t be bad.

Old Man’s Knees

As I mentioned near the start of this blog, I’ve decided to start playing football again largely so I can pass on my footballing expertise to the boy; and then once that five minutes has passed, so he can have someone to play with down the park.

The second time that I played (after a gap of 6 years) I over-extended my knee giving me a sharp pain below the knee cap every once in a while. I finally decided that it was time to find out what was wrong as the “knee fixing fairies” hadn’t had time to see me. So I went to a physio on Wednesday and was very relieved to hear her say “its not ligaments maybe just inflamed cartilage”. Phew! It’s bags of frozen peas instead of surgery, so that’s a relief. Junior’s football future is safe until the next injury…