After my experiences with Bernard falling asleep (with the aid of a little stroking) on the palm of my hand, it seems that the same trick works to calm unborn junior.

Mrs C is getting to the point in pregnancy where she is quickly tiring of the baby squirming and kicking and desperately trying to move around in her womb. Obviously a stubborn and determined child; the fact that he is growing faster than the space available does nothing to slow him down.

Mrs C sits there watching her belly moving like John Hurt’s chest in Alien knowing that she’s got another 7 and a bit weeks to go before anything comes out. If I’m within grabbing distance she will pull my hand onto her tummy and every time without fail the boy stops wriggling. As if to say: “No you shall not feel me move!”.

Anyway this does mean that I have been promoted to Chief Baby Soother. Particularly useful when Mrs C is trying to get off to sleep at night but the boy has other ideas. 2 minutes tummy rubbing and he seems to be asleep too.

I tell you, it’s these hands…

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID REVIEW:

When i was a child I was a big fan of the He-Man cartoons (probably one of the reasons I’ve turned out so muscular) and as such I always wanted new He-Man toys, books, clothes. It wasn’t until many years later watching Father Ted on TV that I realised I missed out on an entire range of products that I could have forced my Mum and Dad to buy me. I’m talking about Dougal’s He-Man duvet cover. I can only imagine that it would have been like sleeping in the bed at Castle Greyskull. Happy times.

I’m certain that I was like every child. I had a favourite cartoon and wanted all the stuff I could get my hands on that had a picture of it on. They just never seem to have much more than the occasional toy in the local department store.

Fortunately for the modern child there’s a better way to get their hands on their favourite cartoon character, courtesy of withcharacter.com. They sell baby gear that’s branded with a number of different cartoon characters, so whatever your kid likes there’s something for them (I’m particular taken by the Patrick Cuddle Pillow!).

If you want to kit out your babies room in a stylish fashion they also sell a really nice range of MiGi bedding. The green and blue fish patterns, stripes, polka dots and argyles create a tasteful and timeless style for your baby’s nursery.

Today was a pretty good day for us. We went to see Bernard for the first time.

I mean, he’s a puppy yes, so he has the built in cute factor that makes people want to have puppies. But I think both Mrs C and I fell in love with him today. He really looks the dogs… er… pyjamas (this is a family blog!):

I held in on the palm of my hand for about 30 minutes. He lay there quietly, not a whimper and after 10 minutes stroking he fell asleep. By all accounts he’s normally a little feistier than this but he isn’t the trouble maker in the litter. Which is nice.

Another 4 weeks and we’ll have him home and I just cant wait!

Mrs C went for another check-up with the mid-wife yesterday. Fortunately the baby seems to be back on track in terms of growth. So no more little baby-Jabba; which is a particular relief to Mrs C. Although there seem to be few things that could make her forward to giving birth any less, having to squeeze out the Michelin baby could push her over the edge.

One thing the mid-wife said though, I think it’s fair to say, frightened Mrs C:

“If you just 2 days late don’t come for the sweep. Wait until 6 days or more.”

“OK” was all Mrs C could muster. When really she was thinking “What the hell is ‘the sweep’?”

When she told me I could only image in involved a Victorian cockney child with a blackened face a painful looking brush. Apparently the truth isn’t much nicer but is slightly more medical.

Let’s hope Mrs C doesn’t need sweeping at all…

You know, every now and then I get accused of not really being excited at the prospect of becoming a father. In fact, just this weekend, the father-in-law said to me “You’re more excited that dog (Professor Bernard Armstrong, I think you’ll find) then the baby!”.

In a way he’s right, but also, in another way, he’s wrong.

It’s only going to be a few weeks before we get Bernard. And if all goes to plan, we don’t get the baby for another (let me check…) 58 days. So the arrival of Bernard is possibly a little more on my mind in a “we’re getting him first” sort of way.

I’m also not so concerned about looking after Bernard. I know that you have to walk him a couple of times a day, and he’s going to piss on our carpets and shit in our shoes etc. But I think the bottom line is, dogs are a little easier to look after than babies.

And I think that’s what’s holding me back from full-on excitement about being a father: the apprehension of looking after something that is 100% dependant upon you. Bernard’s going to be out hunting rats, the baby won’t even be able to support his own head. Plus, when junior comes along, he’s going to change our lives completely. I don’t resent that and I don’t think that it is a bad thing, but it’s something that I have no idea what it will really be like. And I’m a little nervous about it.

So, in truth, I do want to become a father, far, far more than a dog owner, and I am more excited about becoming a father. Just in a different way. That’s all.

Bernard is a Professor though…

More Shameless Plugging

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Note: I’m not sure if this counts as “writing about writing a blog” but if the universe does end this weekend, you have my sincere apologies.

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Ian (The Expectant Father).