I’ve decided that to help move my I Wish I’d Known series along a little bit, I’d ask for some advice and tips from the users at Mumsnet.com forums.

And boy, did they ever give some advice. I was really overwhelmed by the number of responses. I’d like to say a big thank you to all the mums and mums-to-be in the Pregnancy chat room for their input.

Just before I move on I must admit that I’m a little uncertain as to some of the lingo used in the forum. It’s kind of a mums’ text speak. For example, when referring to their partners they use the abbreviate ‘DH’. Now, I’m hoping this is short for (a possibly ironic) ‘darling husband’ but I fear, dear reader, that sometime it may be used in anger as ‘dick head’… but I can’t be sure (maybe someone from Mumsnet can explain) .

Anyway, without further ado, when I asked for advice for Expectant Fathers here’s what they had to say:

Make Life a Little Easier

NineUnlikelyTales puts it simply:

“Learn how to cook.
Learn how to clean.
Learn how to comfort an irrational woman without saying a word wrong.
Practise putting baby grows on a doll.”

Now 3 of those things sound pretty straight forward to me. I’m alright in the kitchen (no, honest I am). When I get the motivation I can clean like the Tasmanian Devil and practising putting baby grows on a doll (ah, the childhood memories!) is just a trip to Toys R Us away.

It’s the “without saying a word wrong” that worries me. This is the challenge that faces the average married man at the best of times. During pregnancy, I’m not sure that it’s possible. I think that I’m going to “lower the bar” on that one and aim for “saying as few wrong words as possible” and if I can keep it in the hundreds region I think I will be doing better than most.

Cooking and cleaning came up quite a few times in the replies. Meowmix says:

“NOW is the time to really understand the housework and what counts as done ‘properly’”

MissGolightly goes a little further with the housework:

“It is impossible for the father-to-be to do too much housework/cooking.”

This all pretty much comes under the banner of “making life easier” for your pregnant partner and I think the mums will agree that it’s appreciated.

Being an Expectant Dad isn’t Really that Hard

When reading that advice, I expect most men will, in the back of the minds, be thinking “I’ve got a life too during this pregnancy”. And you do, but Snaf warns us:

“When [your partner's] actually in labour, and she’s screaming that it f&^*%$()g HURTS!!!, don’t ever, ever mention that your arm is cramping up because you’ve been rubbing her back for the last three hours.”

After all, expectant Dads that whatever else is going on in your own lives, your partner carrying your child is surely much more important than any of it? And maybe sometimes we think we’re suffering, but it simply doesn’t compare to what your partner’s going through. They need support and understanding, not more complaining (they’ve already got a baby doing that inside them).

There is good news for us though, Dads. Beansprout tells us of a very positive attitude her ‘dh’ (I think this time it’s ‘dearest husband’ but, I confess, I’ve no idea what ‘ds’ is…):

“Dh’s motto was that I looked after ds (he couldn’t before after all!) and that he looked after me. He was utterly involved with ds but it was so fantastic to not have to worry about all the other stuff and to just be able to focus on ds in the early days. ”

A relaxed mother who doesn’t have to worry about the washing and the cooking or cleaning is a happy one, and that sounds pretty good to me.

A Little Goes a Long Way

It seems that the little things can make a big difference too. Bristols writes:

“My DH painted my toe nails for me when I was too big to do it myself. Will be ever grateful for that.”

Babylovesmuffins says:

“When she asks if her bum looks huge, tell her she looks beautiful and she’s imagining things.”

While just about everyone who replied agreed that saying “I love you” on a regular basis makes a massive difference.

We Need to Talk

A more general point I got from reading a lot of the replies was that if we dh’s and our partners communicate with each other better, then the whole pregnancy experience can be better (sorry, if I’ve made pregnancy sound like a theme park ride there by using the word ‘experience’, I didn’t mean to). BurstingBug says:

“During the contractions midwives usually say to the mum, ‘lean into your partner for support’, ‘partner rub mums back’. Please do not be offended if mum says get away/get off me.
I personally couldn’t bear to be touched whilst having a contraction.”

This falls under the listen to what your partner wants at that very moment, not what she wanted during ante-natal classes or even 30 seconds before. When the babies coming, her word is rule.

Who Are You Calling Moody?

Finally, Squonk wraps it up nicely with some pretty clear advice for all fathers-to-be:

“Never, ever, under any circumstances, mention the word ‘hormones’!”.

Thanks Again

Just another thanks to those who replied, and a sorry if I missed out your advice I promise that I read it and took it in, honest.

Oh, and don’t forget to vote for me by clicking the button below. You never know it might help a lot of other Expectant Fathers too: